There’s a saying, that you become like the people you spend most of your time with, well I spend a lot of time by myself. And most of the time I don’t know who I am or am I nothing at all, so it’s a pretty weak hand I think, the one that I’ve been dealt. When I look into the mirror, I see blurred images of what has been and what I’d like to be, but never who I am now. So what am I slowly becoming, or do I start to become nonexistent,  just a name that echoes, bouncing of the walls of my heart, all stripped down.

I tie strings on my legs to save me from the undertow, but I guess it’s all the same where I eventually reach the deep. I haven’t learned to swim in these currents, and the shore is just way too far, so it’s pretty easy to get lost, just watching the water as it gleams. A girl once told me, that I was the most precious thing she had in her life, and it still resonates in my soul every morning I wake up. But I think I have lost all of my value, and replaced it with all this guilt, it just keeps building though I beg and beg for it to stop.  And how am I supposed to raise my children, when I can’t even raise my sight from the ground, and from the things I should leave behind? They say that daddy never cries, but I’m a good liar, and the bathroom door is locked when I break down, I always get there, just in time.  They say I’m living the best days of my life, but why do I feel like they’re way past behind? I still want to believe there’s something better than this, and that one day every single thing in my life will be neatly back in line. Well, maybe that will never happen, ‘cause life is never perfect and I don’t think it even should be. But I must see something else in my mirror than just blurred, untrue images. And never the true me.